Tick Tock

    When I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep my mind went to something my dad said to me today about Richie Sambora that killed me inside... 

"you better enjoy him while he's here cause hes gettin a little age on him..."

.... god ...... I KNOW.... I wish people would stop reminding me that every second is counting down to his last breath and I just... I can't handle knowing that at any given moment I could be living in a world where he no longer exists. there's no place for me in a world like that. I CANT live in a world knowing that out there somewhere hes not breathing, his heart isn't beating when mine is.... I could never live... Even if I was physically alive, I would die inside. he is a part of me. When that part dies, there is nothing left.

Someone told me I need to keep living my life no matter what. I said okay, however in my mind I said "until his heart stops beating, I shall live".........

Inspiring Post - Love/Heartbreak

    The  moment when you find out that the person you gave your all to never cared is truly an upsetting moment. You may not be with them anymore but be honest; you still love them, right? I've 

given my all to people so many times only to find that what I thought we had, was nothing. Every time I took it out on myself. I told myself things like; you'll never be good enough for anyone, you're unlovable, you're so stupid why did you think anyone will ever love you, you're so ugly."

..... Still that plays in my head but I look in the mirror and say, "one day you'll be enough. One day you'll find that someone will love you, despite your flaws and love them too. Someone who will kiss away the pain of the past and what you do to yourself and put you back together again. Its just the matter of time, patients and searching."

To the person reading this:

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

YOU ARE SPECIAL.

YOU ARE LOVED.

NEVER, EVER THINK OTHERWISE.

Stalking

    It has come to my attention that people are bashing me for doing the one thing that keeps me sane and relatively happy. I am sure a lot of people can relate, but here's my reasoning. I'm a HUGE fan of Bon Jovi. Ever since I was almost thirteen (still twelve) I have been known as 'the Bon Jovi stalker' or 'the Richie Sambora stalker'. Well, I'm not the girl guys typically like, speak to or even look at. I am the girl they laugh at, make fun of and bully. I am now a sophomore in High School, almost sixteen and even though I take pride in being passionate for "my guys" it's turning into harassment. Not only from peers but from my family.

People say to me: "you don't know how to love or like, you obsess."

I see that Richie may never care to know who I am, be attracted to me or realize that I exist. As sad as that is to me, it doesn't discourage me. "Obsessing" over Richie is my way of coping with things in my life. I runaway to him in my imagination and there I am safe. I write fanfictions to put my thoughts and dreams into typed words for others to enjoy from a different perspective. How else am I supposed to be where I want when I cant physically be there? How else am I to be with someone who is the only person I truly give all of myself to if they possibly could care less about me because I'm 'Just another one'?

They say: "You're a stalker, you freak! Stay away!"

Just in the last paragraph I asked two questions. I'm sorry that somehow my way of doing things bothers you. I'm sorry that my 'obsessions' may be the things I constantly talk about, but I don't really know what else to talk about as that is the only thing I know a lot about. [Sorry, NOT SORRY!] Everything else links back to the band and Richie himself. When I do happen to like a guy at my school some of my friends call me a stalker of that said person because I don't know how to speak to them and/or  9.999999999999999999% of the time said person friend zones or strongly dislike me. However, sometimes the guy I like calls me their stalker. For example: the other day I was texting the guy that I love/strongly like (who happens to feel the same for me) called me their stalker because I said "I think it's funny how when you are not at school people come to me for answers as to why you aren't there." He replied with "Because you're my stalker." It really deeply hurt me that he said that when he's the only person who knows everything about me that no one else does. He knows it hurts me when people say that because people use it in a bad way.

My family says:

- "You need to stop stalking them"

- "You do realize there is a law against stalking, right"

- "You cant love or like, you can only obsess"

- "Don't you realize they are people just like you and I?"

Yes, I realize there is a law against stalking. However I do not follow them in bushes taking pictures and follows their every move. That is way to extreme. I do realize they are people just like you and I. I'm also a musician, just as they are. But as I said before, I do know that more than likely none of them will ever care about me, remember, or know I exist.